i had my wonderful POP (passing out parade) on thursday. it was a parade which i really felt proud to be part of. i marched into the parade, tears rolling down my cheeks. i know that i had done my best, i had been thru shit and graduated with pride from raven 4, under my sec com, other sgts, my ps and my pc. it was a simple parade, the marching wasnt really good, but it was nevertheless a great job done. tears of joy rolled...
however, the week that followed weasnt really great... went to swee giang's chalet. the first nite was a scouts n guides gathering + seng wee. well, it was great time catching up with old pals and my sister, but somehow something feels lacking. well well... the next day, i rejected my oac pals for sentosa, supposedly to go out, but in the end, i went for scouts. not saying scouts was like the last piority, but... i had no where else to go anyway...
it was memories refreshing in my mind again when i stepped onto Rv grds. seeing the kids at work, i kinda felt the urge to be part of the family aghain, to correct some of the stuff i failed. its only a week i have, but i tried my best. i threw in all i can for them.
well, went back to the chal;et after that, but, it was kinda sucky. me n judy xiang yi wei ming, not thanking the rest of the guys for let-free-ing us...luckily chong n chor came to our rescue. talked about army stuff again... well well... we r singaporean guys afterall.
sunday, at home. packed my stuff a bit, but still, my rm kinda still a bit messy due to the exessicve stuff i brought back. heck.
monday, went to bugis at 2.45pm. received a message from girl. walked ard a bit, i decided to go to beach rd to buy one kiwi. kiwi as in... shoe polish... not the bird. ok...lame. anw... realised i was damn stupid. as usual, i din know the direction as BJ to me seems like a maze. in the end, i walked 270 degrees when i cld have made a 90 degrees turn. wasted hell lotsa time under the freaking hot sun walking. then, walked past the crane. halted there a while, hoping that a drama serial ending will happen, but... decided to walk on shortly. walk to beach rd and got my kiwi. looking at the time, took a slow walk back. message ting that i was kinda sian diao and bored waiting for a friend. she suggested i go to esplanade (or somewhere serene) and sit down, read a book or something. well, i kinda heed her advice as i din know what to do already, so i bought a new-paper and went to starbucks for a cup of mocha. read thru the papers quite thoroughly. placed my handphone on the table. waiting for the call to come. or maybe the message. it did rang a few times, but it was never the call or message i was waiting for. it was painful waiting. anti-climax. 5.30pm, finished my drink and stood at the entrace of BJ. the bells rang. nice sounds of the chimes. but still... something's lacking. maybe just like a fairy tale for once, my girl appeared. felt really happy... but our shopping plans kinda disupted... but, i still felt glad i can see her. at least i aint as pathetic as those in tv drama where the guy throw the rose into dustbin and go home alone... hugz...
tuesday, went back to scouts for the last of last handover. rushed over to platoon outing that sux. if only i spent my time with girl or at home. only gd thing is that i got my nice platoon tshirt.
today, went back to nj to meet up with the guys. the girls all gave it a miss. din really talk to the juniors. we din even care abt the activity. the guys just chatted with the teachers and had a light dinner. went home to eat my part 2. now really full... felt really sad. once n once again, plans disrupted. not the same as b4? i guess u got it. it is really not the same as before. a relationship can only be held on to if both parties put in the extra effort. i know of the competition, so i just kept kinda quiet and the postponing of stuff... it is my block leave afterall, i dun wanna slack n waste it. knowing its all postpone, i slotted things into it. but, things didnt turn out really well. we kinda couldnt fit each other's schedule and blood boil. it was a cold stab. i froze at the message. i didnt know what to reply. maybe it will take a day or two for us to warm up to each other again. i felt really tired. jaded.
was talking to fl. she told me yc flared up at her and gave her cold treatment for 2 days as he felt she didnt spend time with her as she went to her claz outing and went to work. told her i tot she looked ok when i saw her at bugis, but she said she was already heartbroken... guess a lot of things we really cant see. a lot of things we really can expect. never tot things wld turn out this way... ar... watever...
getting tired. physically,. mentally. i dont know what i m saying... time to rest.
tired,
zhan.

today was a slow day. i sat down on my bed, then i thought of packing my cupboard. my personal cupboard. a place where i store my really personal stuff. reminiscence. memories flowed back to me. the great days i had in JC. the angel mortal games we played. i read through the letters we exchanged and realised that i had grown up so much since then. then little gifts exchanged between friends, esp those that my hse rep pals brought back from holidays. the little game where everyone writes a bit about you, all in one piece of A4 size paper. then photos hidden between stacks of papers. the postcards from my mei and my sister. of cos, the lotsa lotsa gifts of love from my dearest girl... realised we really haven beeen through a lot. a lot. my cupboard is almost full of all the things she gave me. the box, the lantern, the terra tshirt, the letters, bottle of happiness and many many many many more... not forgetting the lip gloss which i still haven open and use yet. haha. looking through these stuff are just sweet enough...
gonna do my army stuff again. sigh... shall bring in some good memories to look at. a though week ahead. i miss my girl...

love zhan